and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
