So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
