Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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