How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize