We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
