i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
