I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
