A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
