A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This house was built for laser tag.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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