john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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