What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
