Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
