Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
third nipple confirmed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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