i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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