I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
