I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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