I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
