The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize