He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
