Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
