I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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