I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
