going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
