the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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