I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
