sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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