Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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