was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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