I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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