im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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