i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
