Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
