You smell like stripper and shame
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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