I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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