Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Actions speak louder than pants.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
