Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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