Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
