I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
