shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
