Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
