Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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