you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
