I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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