I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
