well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
