THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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