just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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