I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
