K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
