Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
