You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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