we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
