Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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