I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
