hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
