I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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