making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
