Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
