It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
