I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
