i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
