did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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