My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
