Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
