when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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