Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
