I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
