i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
