a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
