32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
