the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
