Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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