Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
