please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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