she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
