Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
